I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
