It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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