i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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