My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
