Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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