May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
