i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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