Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
