im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
