pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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