i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
