I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
