i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
