So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
