Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize