i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
