Just cropdusted the office
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Come on in and take your pants off
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
