I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
