Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
