I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
