no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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