We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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