I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
