How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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