I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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