cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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