so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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