I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
