i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize