so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
