Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
