Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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