You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
