Acid is not a monday night drug
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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