We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
