I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
