I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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