I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
