She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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