Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
