Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
