I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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