I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
