His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
