If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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