I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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