Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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