How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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