she was so not down for the gang bang
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
