is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize