a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize