I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
