I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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