"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize