Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
