Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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