they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
