Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
