I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
