why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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