It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
