My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
