covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
