that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i barfeds in our rink
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
