oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
