And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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