I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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