i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
