you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
