1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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