at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
