Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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