Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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