I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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