3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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