So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
