Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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