i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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