apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
