She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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