Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
