Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize