Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
