im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
