Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
