Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
