my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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