so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
