I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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